I have never been so scared, angry, frustrated, confused, or sad in my entire life....

Well well well..... Nothing too much new in my life right now. School, work, drink, school, work, drink....(not necessarily in that order). Thats about all I do. I worked all weekend again. Dont get me wrong, working the weekend shifts are great, and Im absolutely lucky to get those types of shifts, but let me tell you what, this weekend sucked. It was sooo nice out and people began to ignore my little indoor bar and headed to the beer gardens. So, it ended up being extremely slow. I had a good time though. I went out Thursday with one of my bestest friends in the world Chris. We bar hopped and he got extremely drunk so I drove him home. How back asswards is that? ME driving some one home. ME staying sober...weird. Friday I worked and then we all went out to the hilton afterwards. Good time, good friends. It was a blast. Saturday I worked once again, then me and my baby Christopher went out again. Hung out with Farah and the birthday crew for a bit at Stella. Got hit on by some FREAKY boys so I bailed and me and Chris hit up the curve. So, this week Im being fitted for one of my two bridesmaids gowns I have to wear this year. Crazy huh? Two of my extremely good friends are getting married. What the hell? Can some one remind me that I am 22 and not 30?! I mean jeez, I dont even have the slightest clue how to get a boyfriend let alone get a husband. I cant even think about it right now....too creepy. On Thursday I will be going to Champaign for a barcrawl with a few of my friends. Im going to see a friends band play first then goin out and getting crazy! Team Browns baby! WooHoo! Anyway, hope everyone is doing better than I am and Ill talk to you all again soon!

So, I'm back, and I'm sad cause I don't get to go see my Cubbies tomorrow. My friend who was supposed to go with me fell through. Oh well, looks like another mid afternoon on my couch screaming at the TV.
I'm sick. I'm always sick. I've been sick my whole life. I was a bubble baby! You know, one of those little tiny babies in a plastic tent for the first month of their life? That was me! I called the doctor today to call in a prescription for me. That's how bad it is. I don't even have to go to the doctor anymore, I just call her up and am like "Hey Kim, I'm sick again, can you call in a prescription to Walgreens for this and this and this..etc." How pathetic is that? Take what you can get I guess.
So it's mid-April. I've been officially single for a long time now. It was fun at first. I got to hang out with and flirt with who ever whenever I wanted. Now, it's getting old. And gosh darnit I am so sick and tired of playing the "game". I don't even know how to play that "game". You know, the one where it goes : Meet a boy, hang out with him one night and give him your number, wait for him to call for days, when he does call what do you say? When should you be available? When is it ok to call him? Its freaking dating people! It should not be this difficult. Plus, I always somehow "break the rules" and end up by myself once again. Here we go, if I like you I'll tell you, I'll answer your phone call (on the first ring mind you!), and I'll go out with you 3 days in a row (If I like you and enjoy hanging out with you why the hell not?!). The difficult part of this is figuring out if you like me back. I can flirt with the best of them, I've been known to dance pretty damn sexy, but how do you tell if this boy is receptive? I've got a specific guy in mind by the way. I see him maybe twice a week. When I do see him, he calls me beautiful and appears to be flirting back. BUT, he's done nothing farther than that. And before you say "well if you're so tired of the game just tell him and see what's up" let me first say that I am a giant pussy (unless I'm drunk). I cannot be the one to initiate anything. So, if anyone has this whole mess of relationships down pat, let me know your secret ok? I could use the help. Talk to you all later!

Alright, so, Kyle's little work of art got me interested in this so here goes I guess. Not much to report today. I had to work yesterday, which is no surprise.. it is Monday which means that its me and Eddie. There was a hole in my heart yesterday though. It was the first Monday that Kyle was not there to enjoy it with. But don't worry Kyle! The tradition still holds strong sweetheart! We closed up, went to Dempsy's and then headed to the Curve for "just one drink". We dragged Shoo along to make it seem less heartbreaking that you were missing. So once again, at 330am I pulled into my driveway.
Do you ever get those moments where you look at yourself and it just kinda seeps into your skin that there is just something wrong with you? I've had one of those moments for the past 3 days or so. Don't worry though, they always come and go. Im sure Ill be outta it in a few days. I know why I have these moments, and I know that I can truly get on peoples nerves when I get drunk and they come out in tears and screams, but the reasons behind them are unchangeable. I dont wanna go into detail, some of you will know what Im talking about and Ill leave it at that. Oh well, I do apologize to everyone who has had to put up with me at one of those points.
Okay, on to something a bit more uplifting. IM GOIN TO SEE THE CUBBIES ON THURSDAY!!! WOO HOO!! Baseball season is by far the greatest time of year. I cannot wait until school is over so I can be around sports and baseball all year round!! You'll see me on TV or hear me on the radio one day I promise! That is what I look forward to at this point. Can you imagine it? Going to baseball games for your job! And getting paid to do it!!! Damn, Im paying $100 a pop to go to games now. I cant fathom it. Anyhoo, kids, this is getting way to long. Talk to you again soon.